Azrylle’s Blog

If I die from this, I will have earned myself a Darwin Award, I’m sure.

My parents came home tonight after being gone all weekend, so we went to Steak ‘n’ Shake for dinner. I ordered a spicy chicken sandwich, and our waitress suggested I make it a double since the chicken breasts are really thin, so I was like, “sure, why not!” I proceeded to eat said sandwich as I chatted away with my parents, and about halfway through the meal, for whatever reason, I looked down at the chicken in my hands with new eyes. Suddenly I realized…. hey, that looks a lot like the chicken breasts I use for making dinner…. when they haven’t been cooked yet! My heart jumped into my throat. Maybe it’s just extremely greasy because of the breading they have on it, I thought. I froze. I stared, open-mouthed and wide-eyed at the chicken. It really really looked like it hadn’t even been heated yet. It looked exactly like it would look if you just took it out of the freezer and thawed it out. I asked my parents what they thought of the chicken’s appearance, and their looks of concern only made my heart beat faster. As they looked for our waitress to call her over and ask her what she thought, my mind raced as I began to remember that there were many fishy things going on even from the beginning, and I had just been too engrossed in conversation to notice. The chicken had been a little bit… firmer than normal. And the sandwich wasn’t exactly too hot to eat right away…. and as I looked at the chicken again, that was when I saw it. The paper-thin white outer edge of the chicken, and its blaring contrast with the very raw inside.

When my parents were finally able to show it to our waitress, she paled. And I’m not going to lie, that was when I really started to freak out. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I tried to keep it tucked, but honestly some tears did escape. It wasn’t long before I was able to compose myself again, though, and my parents had me calmed down and even back to my old self shortly. So, after momentary panic, I was laughing about how retarded I am for not even realizing I was eating chicken raw until halfway through the freaking sandwich. I kept telling the small crowd of worried employees around our table not to worry about it, and I totally deserve it if I get sick for being such a dumbstupid. They were very nice about the whole thing, taking my sandwich off the bill and making me another one… (fully cooked, yaaaayz….).

I’m glad it happened to me of all people, though; I imagine they wouldn’t have gotten smiling faces and jokes out of just anybody who happened to find out that they basically grabbed a clucking chicken and took a bite out of it.

By the way, extra kudos to me for ordering the double, since that means that I actually ate TWO halves of raw chicken breast before realizing it. Way to go, me!