Azrylle’s Blog

I am passionate about my relationships, regardless of whether they are romantic or simply budding friendships. I’ve heard countless times that I am intense and, therefore, rather intimidating at times, so I can understand how I make some people nervous at first in that regard. But what I cannot comprehend is why it flat out repels others. Personally, I would give anything to be able to know without a doubt that someone truly cares about who I am, wants to know me better, loves me unconditionally merely because I am a fellow child of God (because of who I am, not in spite of it), reaches out to me when I’m lonely, just sits with me when I don’t want to talk, and knows to leave me be when I ask for solitude.

It is becoming more evident to me that not everyone wants what I want, most often because they just don’t care whether they ever have it. Thus, my treating others as I would want to be treated turns out to be fruitless, if annoying (to them) and hurtful (to me). one more apathetic person gets scratched off my list and I grieve the loss - which, by the way, also seems to be incomprehensible to others. Why would I mourn the loss of one I never knew, never had? Allow me to make a quick allusion to missions: why can we not love someone before we know them? Isn’t that what we are called to do? Missionaries go out into the world because they love people without even knowing them. Similarly, I am always ready to find someone new to love, and though I am happy with the loved ones I have now, I can always make room for another friend and am very happy to do so.

Perhaps I am just vindicating myself because of a recent conflict in this area, but it’s something I have always felt strongly about. I still feel like I haven’t expressed myself quite clearly enough, but perhaps nonetheless my words will find their way to another heart that needed them. I hope so.

And to whoever happens to read this, I love you.

[Normally I only put work experiences on my work blog, but I'd rather like to make an exception here!]

At work, I have been instructed to fill out a v-card (for contacts in Microsoft Outlook), and the information with which I’ve been provided is priceless to me.

The guy’s name is Red Richards.

Anyone who is a fan of the Fantastic Four will recognize that Reed Richards is Mr. Fantastic. So I had to chuckle… since, well, I accidentally typed that first and didn’t realize it until halfway through the process.

[I <3 Mr. Fantastic]

I think I’m in love. I have started a new anime series, Vampire Knight, and I downloaded the music video for the ending song (mostly because I saw a blurb about its Gothic Lolita quality, at which point I pretty much had to have it). The music video, despite the creepy old white dude occasionally appearing and being.. well… creepy, is amazing to me. I love the haunting sound of the cello anyway, and Kanon Wakeshime has apparently been playing since the age of 3 and is AMAZING. Did I mention the video/song is amazing? and haunting? Gorgeous, really. And as for the anime, I do believe it’s becoming a fast favorite!

Anyway, here are the music video and the series ending, so you can share in my awe… ~_^

Kanon Wakeshima - “Still Doll”

Vampire Knight ED

I had a dream last night that I was at some party and Tony Stark (lookin’ all fine and dandy as Robert Downey, Jr.) was there. It was a strange dream, and I don’t remember all of the details - I really do hate that about my dreams - but the important part is that I got him at the end of the story, teeHEE. Across a [quasi-]crowded room, after some earlier encounters with him, he looked at me and then….. called out for Pepper [Potts]! I was heartbroken. Devastated, even. I ran from the party room (which looked suspiciously like Tony Stark’s house in the movie, lol) and found the nearest flat place to sit upon and cry my eyes out. WEEELL… Tony comes out and says he meant me, that I’m his “Pepper” ….and then we lived happily ever after gag me holy crap cheezy!! I didn’t realize how dumb this sounded until I was typing it out. hahahahhahahahahahhaa I’M SUCH A GIRL.

Amidst all the dark thoughts, pain, and sadness I have felt most acutely these past two weeks, I have managed to find that silver lining in my dark cloud. And here it is:

It is now my goal to reach that ability in my belly dancing. Heck. Yes.

And back to the depressing stuff, did anybody watch Bones and/or House tonight?? Holy crap, I thought last week was sad. It would seem that last week was the foreboding dark cloud of this week’s torrential rain of tears. Plus, this feeling will more than likely stay will me all summer since those were the frikkin season finales!! T_T

I am so going to Hell for this one.

…or, at the very least, I’m going to get a broken nose. What am I smoking?????

You Are Disturbingly Profound

You’re contemplative, thoughtful, and very intense. Taking time to figure out the meaning of life is a priority for you. Because you’re so introspective, you often react in ways that surprise people. No one can really understand how you are on the inside… and that disturbs them.

I particularly find the last statement bitterly amusing, in that I’ve had to deal with the truth of that all my life, and one stupid quiz drives the nail home.

Currently Watching A.I. - Artificial Intelligence (Widescreen Two-Disc Special Edition) By Jack Angel, Keith Campbell, Vito Carenzo, Brendan Gleeson, Clark Gregg see related

I remembered this movie being really uber depressing, but I didn’t think it would get me to sob my eyes out twice.  Well….. it totally did.  I was bawling like a baby during the whole last half hour! Great way to begin a new week with Fred, ne? lol

So, now I gotta kill some time before falling asleep, since otherwise I’ll wake up tomorrow with sore, puffy eyes and a headache from all the crying. >.<

[Poor little Teddy, left all alone for eternity.... ;_;]

I finished doing my first taxes tonight! Now I have officially arrived at adult responsibility, and all I have to say is “boo hiss” to it. At least for right now, thankfully, I don’t have a whole lot of complicated mess to fill out, since I don’t make a whole lot of moola and there’s really only one source of any kind of income or interest that I personally handle. So…… yeah, it might be kind of a bad thing financially speaking, but in terms of laziness it is good good good.

And now…..bed.

If I had the money to burn, I would totally buy these.

In other news, I just discovered in a span of only maybe five minutes just how lame Starship Troopers is. I hadn’t seen any part of it before, and now it’s playing on TV…… and it is so lame. Maybe it’s better if you watch the whole thing… but then again (and, I imagine, more accurately), maybe not!