Azrylle’s Blog

I am passionate about my relationships, regardless of whether they are romantic or simply budding friendships. I’ve heard countless times that I am intense and, therefore, rather intimidating at times, so I can understand how I make some people nervous at first in that regard. But what I cannot comprehend is why it flat out repels others. Personally, I would give anything to be able to know without a doubt that someone truly cares about who I am, wants to know me better, loves me unconditionally merely because I am a fellow child of God (because of who I am, not in spite of it), reaches out to me when I’m lonely, just sits with me when I don’t want to talk, and knows to leave me be when I ask for solitude.

It is becoming more evident to me that not everyone wants what I want, most often because they just don’t care whether they ever have it. Thus, my treating others as I would want to be treated turns out to be fruitless, if annoying (to them) and hurtful (to me). one more apathetic person gets scratched off my list and I grieve the loss – which, by the way, also seems to be incomprehensible to others. Why would I mourn the loss of one I never knew, never had? Allow me to make a quick allusion to missions: why can we not love someone before we know them? Isn’t that what we are called to do? Missionaries go out into the world because they love people without even knowing them. Similarly, I am always ready to find someone new to love, and though I am happy with the loved ones I have now, I can always make room for another friend and am very happy to do so.

Perhaps I am just vindicating myself because of a recent conflict in this area, but it’s something I have always felt strongly about. I still feel like I haven’t expressed myself quite clearly enough, but perhaps nonetheless my words will find their way to another heart that needed them. I hope so.

And to whoever happens to read this, I love you.